Relationship Issues
Understanding Patterns Of Unhealthy Relationships
Understanding Patterns Of
Unhealthy Relationships
As humans, we are
programmed, or hard wired, to be in a relationship. This is most likely a
combination of the need for the species to continue to reproduce to survive, as
well as our own needs for companionship, love and support from another person.
For many people, throughout their lives, relationships have been problematic,
unhealthy and unsatisfying. Being able to determine why these patterns of
unhealthy relationship repeat is a common goal for counselling and therapy
patients.
Dysfunction in the Family
As humans, we tend to replicate
patterns of behaviour and experiences that we have experienced previously. Even
if they are not healthy or what we desire, they are what we know and what, to
some extent, we are comfortable with.
When our family of origin is
dysfunctional, we tend to carry that dysfunction into our own relationships.
For example, if our parents lacked boundaries and parenting skills we probably
lived in a chaotic household. Chaos for us is normal and the way that the
family unit operates. We may choose relationships with people that lack the
ability to commit, lack structure or lack boundaries. If one of our parents had
a problem with alcohol or drugs we may, without realising, choose a partner
that has the same addiction and attempt to "fix" the problem, only to
find out we can't.
In some cases, we may do
exactly the opposite of our family of origin. We may select a partner that is
controlling if we had no control or accept verbal or physical abuse for what we
mistakenly see as deserved punishment for breaking the rules.
Relationship Addiction
In some relationship
patterns, the relationship itself becomes the most important aspect, not the
happiness of the couple. People may stay together for fear of being alone, for
fear of not being able to find someone else, or for fear of what others may
say.
In these situations, men and
women may stay in very abusive and unhealthy relationships because of their
lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. They may believe that the abuse is
justified, which is a very dangerous thought and belief.
People that are addicted to
a relationship may also become unstable should the relationship actually
dissolve. This could include engaging in stalking behaviour or becoming
obsessed in reuniting with the partner who just wants it to be over.
The reasons why people fall
into repetitive patterns of unhealthy relationships have to be unearthed before
changes can happen in the way they choose their next partner. The good news is
that you can uncover these roots causes and make changes with the help of a
trained relationship counsellor. Once you are able to see yourself in a
different light you can evaluate future relationships and make better choices.
In turn, you can have a happy, satisfying and committed relationship with
someone that you truly love and who sincerely loves you in return.
Posted by: Philippe Jacquet