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If you have relapsed, this is the first thing I want you to know: relapse does not mean you have failed at recovery. It means you have a disease that has relapse as one of its characteristics. That is a clinical fact, not a consolation.
One of the most important things I have learned in 25 years of working with people in addiction and eating disorder recovery — and in my own recovery — is this: picking up the drink, the drug, or returning to the eating disorder behaviour is not the beginning of relapse. It is the end of it. The relapse was already well underway, sometimes weeks or months earlier, in the internal world of the person long before any substance was touched or any behaviour resumed.