Perfectionism — The Exhausting Standard

Perfectionism is not the same as having high standards. High standards allow for failure, for learning, for effort that falls short of the goal and still has value. Perfectionism does not. It operates on a binary: perfect or worthless. There is no middle ground.

Where perfectionism comes from

Perfectionism typically develops in response to conditions in which love, approval, or safety felt conditional — available when the child performed well, withdrawn when they did not. The child learns, accurately, that excellence is protective. The standard becomes internalized. Eventually, even when the original conditions are long gone, the standard remains — applied now by the person themselves, to themselves.

“The perfectionist client is usually the cruelest person in the room — to themselves. They would never speak to another person the way they speak to themselves about their own mistakes. But they have been doing it so long they no longer hear it as cruelty.” — Philippe Jacquet

Perfectionism and eating disorders

The relationship between perfectionism and eating disorders is well established clinically. The control of food and body offers the perfectionist a domain in which total mastery seems possible — a pure performance with clear rules and measurable outcomes. Understanding this connection is often central to eating disorder treatment.

Perfectionism and burnout

In professional contexts, perfectionism drives performance until it drives collapse. The executive who cannot delegate, cannot accept a good-enough output, cannot stop — is often not ambitious. They are frightened. The difference matters for treatment.

Book a consultation with Philippe Jacquet — psychotherapist and Jungian analyst, London.