Relationships

Codependency — losing the self in relation to another

Codependency is a relational structure in which one person progressively loses the boundaries of self in relation to another — organising their identity, emotions, and choices around the needs, moods, or behaviours of someone else.

Origins of the term

The word codependency emerged from the addiction field. Melody Beattie described it as a secondary disease: the alcoholic is addicted to alcohol; the family member becomes addicted to the alcoholic. Their attention, energy, and sense of self become organised entirely around managing, rescuing, or surviving the person with the addiction.

Couples therapy — when the problem is that you can't agree on the problem

Philippe Jacquet has spent a significant part of his clinical career working with couples — in private practice, in hospital settings, in rehabilitation, in residential treatment. The work is consistent across all those contexts, and so is the moment that most often defines whether it will succeed: the moment when two people stop arguing about whose version of the problem is correct, and begin to look at it together.