Every November, Men’s Mental Health Month arrives with its moustaches and its campaigns, and for one month the statistics get repeated. They deserve repeating. Men die by suicide at around three times the rate of women in the UK. Suicide remains the biggest killer of men under fifty. Men make up the strong majority of alcohol-related deaths and rough sleepers, and the minority of therapy clients. The awareness month exists because the other eleven months, mostly, we do not talk about it.
As a therapist who has worked with men for twenty-five years, I want to add the part the campaigns rarely say.
Awareness is not the bottleneck
Most men already know something is wrong. The man drinking alone after the divorce knows. The man lying awake at four in the morning about money knows. What stops him is not lack of information; it is the belief, installed in boyhood, that asking for help subtracts from his manhood. Talk to someone, says the poster. But the poster does not say to whom, or what happens next, and it does not answer the only question that matters to him: will I still be respected if I do?
So this page answers plainly. What happens next is a confidential conversation with a professional whose job is not to pity you but to work with you. What happens to respect is what happens in any hard thing men admire: the ones who face it earn more of it, not less. There is nothing soft about sitting down opposite a stranger and telling the truth about your life. It is one of the harder things a man can do, which is exactly why so few do it.
What to do with this month
If November is the month you finally act, use it concretely. If it is your friend you are worried about, don’t send him a helpline poster: ask him directly, twice, because the first answer will be “fine”. And if it is you: one conversation, confidential, no commitment. That is the whole first step.
If you are in crisis right now, call the Samaritans on 116 123, free, day and night. In immediate danger, call 999.
I see men at Harley Street in London, in Paris, and by secure video, in English and in French. See also therapy for men, addiction, and the functioning alcoholic. For eating disorders in men: menwhoheal.com.
Common questions
When is Men's Mental Health Month?
In the UK the focus falls in November, alongside Movember and International Men's Day on 19 November; June is used in the United States; the statistics they exist to publicise do not keep a calendar.
Why is there a men's mental health month?
Because men die by suicide at around three times the rate of women, suicide is the biggest killer of UK men under fifty, and men remain a minority of therapy clients: the month exists to close the gap between suffering and help.
How can I help a man who is struggling?
Ask directly and ask twice, because the first answer will be fine; listen without fixing; and if he is willing, help him take one concrete step, a GP appointment or a first confidential conversation with a therapist.
Where can men get help immediately?
Samaritans on 116 123, free, 24 hours a day; in immediate danger call 999; and beyond the crisis, a first confidential session with a professional is the practical next step.